A Difficult Conversation
”Here’s a difficult conversation to have.
The one where I say, I’m struggling.”
Here is a conversation that is hard to have. The emotional one.
The one where I say, I am struggling.
We as performers attached so much of our self-worth and identity to our career and being on stage. What happens when that is completely taken away overnight?
In this void, we have seen a beautiful outpouring of music and art online already - What an exciting time to live in. But, what about when it all feels overwhelming and even paralyzing?
I personally am finding my moods fluctuate wildly from being extremely inspired to completely demoralized. I see so much creativity and yet amongst it all, it is hard to hear yourself and not just get lost in the tunnel vision of comparison. The self critic so easily chimes in with “Look at what all these other artists are doing. They are so amazing and I am not.’ I get it. It is truly hard when YoYo MA does live stream for charity to not just want to burn your instrument.
On top of all of this we have to know that anxiety and overall depression can come from these very uncertain times. I know I am struggling with a whole new world of things – fear of loved ones getting sick, worry about the future of our industry, markets jumping all over the place, uncertainty about income. Just to name a few.
Mental health for artists is all of a sudden at the forefront, and I think we need to talk about it.
I am very much on this journey with you, but here are a few things I would like to share with you that I have found to be helpful.
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Remember, as always, that social media is not real life! It is a highlight reel, or selected moments out of a long day. Moments that are little highlights built up to over a long life also. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is playing perfectly in tune 4 octave scales all day, or coming up with mind-bending covers every moment. They are all struggling just like us, often with things we don’t even know about. I guarantee outside of the highlight reel they are trying to figure out what this new world looks like too, and are secretly counting if they have enough TP for the next three weeks.
Be inspired by the output of others, but don’t compare. And dare I say it, turn social media (maybe even the news…) OFF! There, I said it.
Remember what is to be truly gained by this time is just that, FREE TIME.
To create, to practice, to play music without outside input and just hear your voice. Which is truly a gift. Remember this time is not all about being super productive and throwing out lots of content. Instead, it might be about slowing down, and having time to dive into those really long-term creative projects which might be more rewarding in the long run.
Sometimes to have true inspiration we need to really slow down, take care of ourselves, and experience boredom. Then, in the space is where something new has space. I am truly challenging myself to look at this period in this light.
Then, when it feels right, use Social Media as tool to connect, to share, to motivate.
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” Ernest Hemmingway
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Returning to the concept of identity as artists. It makes sense that years of receiving praise for performing would tangle up musical prowess with one’s sense of value as a human. We become reliant on this huge source of external validation, and when it is missing, performers of all levels struggle in the void. I know many MANY people (myself included) who have seen coaches and counselors for help on this topic. The difficult task is to process and disentangle what our chosen career and are identity as humans have to do with each other. It’s very complicated, I know that. And particularly now, when musicians from freelancers to huge bands like Mumford are canceling months of gigs, it is hard to remember who you are outside of your craft.
All that I can share with you right now is this. Remember music and performing are things that you do, not WHO you are. You are the same person now that you were two weeks ago before Covid19, and also the same as the person you were before you ever touched an instrument.
Maybe one of the hidden gifts of this time is being granted a moment to explore and expand other sides of our self: the self that gets outside everyday, the self that shows up for friends, the cook, the author. You are many things, and you DO many things, and performing is just one of them.
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Lastly, if you are really struggling, reach out to Music Cares. If you are a musician needing help, this a great place to reach out to. It is a free service for creative artists funded by donations that provides mental health counseling, health clinics, even financial assistance.
Special note: I am aware that there is also a special kind of overwhelm that comes from trying to learn a whole bunch of new tech at once. It can feel like you’re drowning, and even incite anxiety and panic. But don’t fear! New post on this coming up soon. I am learning too, but I want to share everything I can to help our artist community! “A rising tide lifts all boats.”
~ Kiana
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